dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
