I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
