i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
