Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
