I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
