my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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