Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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