You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
