we have officially lost it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
