k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
