I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
