the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
