Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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