we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
