The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
