Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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