so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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