could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize