Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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