You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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