Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
