yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
