Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
