i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
