I didn't shave. On purpose
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
