drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
