big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
