The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
