she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
