She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
