I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
that is very illegal...i love you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
