In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am available for nakedness
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
