She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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