I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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