I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
