Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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