His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
