No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
