I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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