Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
