p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
