you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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