Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
