we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
