i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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