Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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