Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
