Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
