i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize