I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
