I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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