I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
