Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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