Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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