Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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