I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
