This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
