Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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