Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
