he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize