in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
