If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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