just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
