I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
