She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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