My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
