I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
