two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
