He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
